¤Empty | Heart¤

Memories worth holding on too

2006-11-28T08:36:00.000-08:00

As I set my lazy fingers to work on a close friend's testimonial, I'm suddenly overwhelmed with mixed feelings. I'm happy that the heavy stress of JC has come to an end however I can never add on to the beautiful memories I have with my friends there anymore. The storage function has stop accepting anymore new situations. The joy of playing a fool in classes with the usual bunch of guys. The usual ponning of lectures cause we think that the damn lecturer is a hypnotist. The laughing and joking around about a certain teachers betterer english then us =x The usual Monday blues only to be waken up by a certain teacher's Class 95 joke =x The usual loud voice of a certain teacher which wakes up even the most sleepyhead of the class . The usual 'suans' of a certain roundy teacher who likes to make fun of people by associating him/her to sexual stuff. Life would be so fun if JC didn't have the stress. But well, the stress was what kept 24 people hanging on for 2 years together pulling each other till we reach the top together. 24 people 1 Class 1 bond 1 memory. It will always be in my heart. 2s13 will always be remembered.

In no order of merit:

To Zhong Hui,
Thanks for your sick mind that corrupted me also although I don't mind. Thanks for riding out the rough patches with me. You will always be my back out king no.2 =)

To Sin Yi,
Thanks for being a great sis . I'm sure I'll start to miss you kuku-ing when I enter the army.

To Mei Zhuang,
Thanks for being my other great sis. I'll start to miss you out of tune scolding when I enter the army. I'm sure of that. Ni QuUuUuU Si Ah . =x

To Joel,
Yo brother. Thanks for advising me on what I should do on this journey of life although I never seem to heed any. Haha but be sure that those words would be in my mind all my life.

To Lester,
Lessie. Although I suan u like 3/4 the time or maybe even more. Those words do not bring spikes around. They are just longitudinal waves. Cant undergo double slit diffraction hahahaha

To Amos,
My other brother in school. You have been really nice in relating everything I do with a certain someone hahaha. I don't mind it at all but it doesn't mean anything. Hahaha. Hope we both that special someone soon =) I'm sure you would.

To Tern Wen,
Mushroom. You are not poisonous. Munchable haha. Good for health this mushroom is. When consumed brings joy to those around him

To Sharmagne,
Thanks for the times where I could confide in you and you confided in me. Although those times did not lasted till after the A Levels. I still remember it dearly

To Hua Lei,
Though we had little squabbles here and there. I admitted it did disrupted our friendship a bit. But it never went to the extent of enemies. You are a good friend

To Seb,
Furball !!!!! Had a fun time doing PW with you. Thanks for stripping me on my birthday knowing well that your birthday i cannot strip you haha. Hope we remain friends

To Bahar,
Hey guy. Don't always think that people don't like you. You can't make the whole world like you so don't worry about it ya. I will never be in the subset of those who don't like you. PSP spoil bring to me hahaha

This are the few people in class who brought about quite a big impact in my life. I would cherish the memories they brought to me.As for those not mentioned, its not that you are not important. You would be mentioned another day. This post is simply too long. I will never forgetabout the other guys and girls. Stay tuned

Troubled by troubles

2006-10-05T08:29:00.000-07:00

I'm so troubled nowadays ... I guess I took it a bit too far... I took a large step without calculating my small steps... Am I wrong in doing it ? Is it a mistake ... 2 hours of antagonizing waiting just to earn me a mere 15 minutes of happiness... Result ? Days of pain and troubles... It's really Murphy's Law ... My feelings are so bottled up, Im really about to blow up or maybe break down ... Im sorry for affecting the mood of people around me.. Im real sorry ... Appetite is being affected as well ... 1/2 a bowl of noodles make me full... Weird but true ... I need some time on my own ... Some time where I can allow my mind to indulge in its own dimension... To allow it to relax and stop thinking too much ... I wish that I was living next to a beach... That way I can shout out my troubles to the never ending great volume of the ocean ... Infinitely containing my troubles ... This way I wouldn't have any space constraints... I wonder whether the collision I have with you is what I plan for ... I want it to be inelastic ... This way we would coalesce and move on together ... Well it may jus only be a dream ... Back to troubles again .................

Times have change

2006-09-12T09:09:00.000-07:00

Times have changed... Randomly browsing through CIA source of information, I saw this pic which brought back flashbacks of the life I had 1/2 a year ago... No its not someone in the picture which kickstarted the thinking but more of the backdrop of the picture... They took that picture at Plaza Singapura... The level where Secret Recipe is located at... It brought back memories of Saturdays spent there every week... The group of us eating around that area... After would be Parklane and Tao Huey ... Running to the bus stop before we miss the last bus... Oh how it brings back sweet memories ... I really miss those times... The times where we sat at Mcdonald's, chatting about everything under the sun and wishing that we could sit there for eternity just chatting ... The times where we went HQ and blast our speakers at the top of its volume, broadcasting "OWNING" " HOLY SHIT " to the whole lan shop... Later emerging from the dark room laughing and giggling at how we had just show off our 'zhuainess' ... Oh how I miss those times ... Honestly, these memories was so close to bringing me to tears... These are all stuff of the past ... Now we are living in a study prison ... What we have around us is endless amount of knowledge and information which needs to be squeezed into a 2/3 pi radius³ cm³ thingie at the top of your head... I wish this living hell would just end quickly ... But oh well, as the ancient sages say " Taste the bitterness, then the sweetness " I'll live by that principle... I will ...

Shyness is an offense

2006-08-23T07:49:00.000-07:00

I just found out shyness is an offense. Im too quiet to those people that I do not know, and yea wow I'm being branded as a dao kia . I talk too much, Im branded as noisy and distracting. So may I ask, what exactly do you want me to do ? Im not a very sociable person I've gotta admit. I don't approach people that well. I have problems making new friends. Yea whatever man. I'm a born loser in your eyes anyway . Hmmz guess you are right . I ain't fit to get a girlfriend. Thanks for once again making me fear something that I had so much trouble trying to conquer. I guess it will be sometime later before I dare face myself in a mirror once again . You are the 2nd person who said these hurting words. Is it wrong to be ugly ? Can't ugly people live a life of thier own ? Cant't bystanders keep criticism of ugly people to themselves ? Do you know why I don't approach people that well ? ITS CUZ OF LOW SELF CONFIDENCE ! Reason: I feel that I'm not good looking enough and I'll most likely get rejected . Happy now ? You do have a boyfriend . I envy you . As for me, I'll live my days in the world of fantasy. Thanks for making my day dear girl... Real thanks =)

Lies are fantasies the truth is the reality

2006-08-16T11:54:00.000-07:00

Lies are fantasies and the truth is more oftenly then not the reality... People often lie to themselves because they want to achieve the fantasy that the yearn for ... Fantasy may not necessarily mean for example, ' A prince in a castle ' lifestyle or a 'princess lookalike' girlfriend ... Haha childish examples but I'm sure you guys get what I mean. Someone's fantasy may just be lying to himself so as to cover up the bad memories that he had. The lie is to create an illusion of the sweet and beautiful life he had fantasize about ( no sexual connotations in the word fantasize please =x ) ... Lying is not wrong but its not right either ... Lying to the world is bad ... Lying to yourself is worst ... The truth may be bitter and the lies are sweet ... This can be linked to real life ... Bitter is linked to medicine while sweet is linked to candy and stuffs ... Which is healthy ? The answer is staring you in the face and I guess I need not elaborate further ... A levels in 70 plus days ... No more distractions ... Onwards to my dream !!!! Aeronautical engineering here I come =) I hope that this would not happen only in a dream =x

Collide

2006-08-07T09:37:00.000-07:00

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah

I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

I'm quiet you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide

Don't stop here
I've lost my place
I'm close behind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to ryhme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide

You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide

This song keeps flashing in my mind these few days. Perhaps this few days I'm getting emotional again. I wish that we would really 'collide' one day. I can't find the courage to really approach this subject anymore. Maybe its just a dream. A really sweet one sided dream that I would eventually wake up from. Not knowing what the ending would be( Most dreams never have a ending anyway ) and forgetting the the niddle ( No one actually remembers a dream totally ). What would be left in my mind would be a summarised version of this sweet dream. I liked you. I think about you. I'm too afraid to approach you. I shared some happy moments with you ( Although some were pretty one sided ). I parted with you not letting you know my feelings. Yea that would probably be the remnants of this dream. What worries me most everyday is that I can't see your face light up everyday . But I guess I need not worry about that as you always live your life happy and bubbly. Im happy that you are happy . Thats all it takes to make my day . Im making a trip to Esplanade Walk tomorrow. Wish you were there but guess thats unlikely. It's tiresome to like someone for so long, but sometimes it just can't be helped . When the feeling comes, it comes and stay for good .

A bottle thats about to explode

2006-07-18T10:01:00.000-07:00

I seriously feel like a bottle about to explode... Things are bottled inside me for too long... I need an outlet... What I really wish now would be the endless and vast ocean in front of me... I'll shout at the top of my lungs... Letting out all the bottled stuff inside me.... I feel so shit and crappy ... Maybe Im always stuck as the supporting role ... Im never the lead... Even in my own life... I seem to live for others... Manipulated as though a puppet... I never had a chance to lead .... I always am being led... Even when I try to lead... I'm ignored... No one gives respect to a joker I presume... Maybe some of you are right ... Im a joker, thats why no one gives a damn as they treat whatever comes out from my mouth as a joke ... Guess thats what is deemed as a born loser ... Its so 'losery' ... I manage to make people laugh but its ironic that I myself don't laugh... This isn't what I ask for ... I really need an outlet... Counting back.. It seems that I have liked someone for a rather long time ... But the main point is "Whats the point ?" Its not the duration but instead the action taken to pursue what you really want ... I do say I want but I cant say I will do it... I really need a sudden burst of courage to help me... But even if I do take an action... I'll most likely get rejected ... For the uglies do not deserve a 2nd look.. Saddened by this fact

Life ain't a game

2006-07-12T08:19:00.000-07:00

Life isn't and never will be a virtual game... I guessed I have live for 17 years of my life with this mentality embedded in my mind... I assume that there is a save point at every adversity I face... Thinking that I will get a second chance if I fail... I have always thought that its just like a video game... Loading the part where you deem not going the way you wanted it to... Saving to create a backing just in case you 'fall' ... But that seriously ain't the case ... Woke up today realising that every exam is taken 1 time only... You don't save before the exam, you don't load when you fail the exam... You walk into the exam hall, you live on even if you fail the exam... I've just fallen into one of my greatest depression ... My results are like crap... A painful wound inflicted, a painful lesson learnt... Carelessness brings you nowhere except to the place where you do not want to be... That place is neither here nor there in short form NOWHERE... My socks have drop far too low for my feets to be comfy... Its time for me to bring those ankle socks of mine to my knees... Yes ankles to knees... Impossible ? When theres a will, theres a will... Put the lazy and playfuls socks behind... Its time to work hard ... Mid years are over... It cannot be changed ... But what I can change is the prelims.. Prelims shall be the time when my socks will be at the knees and it stays there ... It shall be ...

Sidenote: To those who can't find the link between socks and this post, think " Pull up your socks"

Food for thought

2006-07-09T12:27:00.000-07:00

Its the first time I'm blogging at such an unearthly hour ... Its 3.24am but oh well ... Its a "must be awake" timing cause its the *Drum Rolls* WORLD CUP FINALS !!!!! Well SR is an unfeeling school... Gonna start school at the same time although other schools have compromised by starting at a later timing... Guess thats why SR is not performing well for the A Levels ... The students are probably disgusted with the uncompromising attitude of the school head ... Okay better not continue .. May get suspended =x ... Anyway, Im back to my deep thinking self again ( I prefer to use thinking deeply instead of thinking too much .. Pardon me =x) Rather disappointing mid year results... A almost certain F for chem... A most likely E or lower for Physics .... Maths aint much better... GP is like my only constant subject ... C5 C5 C5 C5 .... I seem to have seen the light ... People get worried when they have an E ... People swear to work hard and seem to ... What about me ? Top 100 as my target but I didnt even put in 0.01% effort into preparing for the mid years ,and I aint a smart person... Please grant me the power and determination to wake up from this situation... Just finished a super nice and touching anime recently... Although it didn't move me to tears like Elfen Lied... It sorta stirred up some feelings... 2 totally different people from 2 different times could in the end fall in love... Thier characters are totally opposite and they ended up together ... There are tons of nitty gritty stuff that build up thier relationship but I shan't continue further ... Anyway a quote from the show -I wish that this could last . I wish that I will never lose her- Emiya Shiro... I kinda like this quote cause it really takes the words out of my mouth ... But oh well, I'm just to weak to close the distance between us ... I think I'm rather childish in my thoughts ... Feeling happy and excited over a simple message ... Im not sure if it is normal or Im over-reacting on my part...Well, love makes one go gaga so they say ... This may well be the gaga being mentioned =x ... Its little things that you do that makes me happy ... Even something as meagre as having a 5 min conversation, a reply to my message or a smile on your face ... It makes the sun shine in my dark and lonely world ... Im seriously doubting myself... I question myself whether Im really what I am today ... Whether Im happy or Im "happy" ...Sometimes I really need someone to talk to ... Not crap but stuffs that have been bottled up for a long time ... I yearn for thatttttt ....

Pissed off...

2006-06-19T11:26:00.000-07:00

Some people really do not deserve the respect that all humans are entitled with... They make it sound as though the whole owes them .. They seem to want to control the lives of others... Thats so bulllllll, seriously bull... Even slaves have thier own lives... Its absolutley not right to control others... If someone is being nice, and offering to do you a favour, you don't make it sound as though the person owes you the favour.. Its not like only you in the whole world would move with Earth, experiencing morning and night... Everyone has timing to keep up to too... Im getting rather jumpy nowadays... I seriously don't understand why too.. Maybe its cause I'm too sensitive...Its not being on the either extremes... Being too sensitive, you get jumpy all day round, getting irritated by every single little stuff you do not like. Being too insensitive, you offend tremendously large number amounts of people, seriously affecting your relationships ... Being in the middle is the best ... Got freaked out when I tried to do some chemistry in the afternoon .... I found out that I have tons to catch up with ... Got to start tomorrow .... As for my soccer winnings and money from some other stuff ( don't wanna say for the risk of being chopped ) , I think its almost all planned and distributed to treats already, nothing left for me... But oh well, thats my life policy - Money not earn through hard work should never be all spent on yourself ... Haha ... Happy friends ^^

Revival

2006-06-14T23:55:00.000-07:00

Hey ! Its been almost a year since I've updated my blog. LOL. Work owns although I dont do much of my work =x . Seriously, I don't really know what have I've been busy about this past few months. Want to say I've been studying hard, no way results don't show. Want to say I've been playing too much, also no course I really don't have much games on my computer either. 70% of my computer is filled with anime ( Not the H kind ) and movies. Grr, I seriously feel that my life is getting waste on a box with images generated by clicks you make on something that a cat hates. Really wish that I have a better social life. AHHHHHHHHHH, guess thats growing up I suppose. When I was in secondary school, Games > social life, now ? Social life > games. Sigh, everyone is like mugging themselves dead and here I am staring at the computer again. Neeeeeeeed tooooooooooo stuuuuuuuuddddddyyyyyy. JC life is so fun . Its so fun and happening. S13 rox absolutely (other then the fact that they dont go for outings). Other then that, a fun bunch of guys and gals. Lets cross the mid years together . Do not repeat what we have been doing the past few exams. Haiz, im really a timid person. Is it so difficult to pick up the handphone (for the case of a red and black 7610 with the 0 and 9 button spoiled Yes =x) and just send a simple message of "Hey are you all right " (When she is ill) or "Hey do you want me to get for you anything as I going overseas" Why can't I do that ? Why why why why why? Why am I so afraid of rejection ? I have never even been rejected before cause in actual fact I have never confessed before =x Maybe its because of what 1 person said in the past that caused my this problem of low self confidence. Well thats another story for another time =)

The ugly side of human nature

2005-09-07T09:25:00.000-07:00

Hi.. Decided to let my lazy hands get working once again ... As usual I'm blogging in a rather down mood... So as usual my blog would sound sad ... Thought through alot about life today ... The MRT ride really made me understand a bit more about the nature of human beings... I wouldnt say I understand them as much as an anthropologist but I think I can understand to the maximum that my puny little brain can accept... I found out that human being always claim to be un-materialistic... That is I GOT TO EMPHASIZE - UTTER BULLSHIT !!! People who claim to be un-materialistic are just less materialistic ... Everyone in this world has a certain degree of materialism... Its only how much and how little that determines you... Lets take this analogy for example ... A person is allowed to choose between a pillow with golden threads however its inside are full of crap and a oyster that has not produced a beautiful pearl.... Im quite certain that 90% of us would choose the pillow over the oyster if we didnt tell them what is inside.... This is rather true in life ... People often say that looks don't matter a single bit to them ... But 9 out of 10 would have a spouse who is good looking maybe not handsome but very presentable ... The analogy fits into this situation perfectly.... People would have this mindset - Good looking I WANT !!!! They don't really give a damn second care about the guy or girl's character ... Im feeling damn sad while typing this post ... Im pondering over the ugly side of humans as well as trying to get rid of the amount of guilt that I'm going through... I seem to be trying to act Cupid but I'm messing it up seriously ... Couples seem to be breaking apart in front of me ... Did I really say or did something wrong ? Haizzz I should really just keep my damn mouth shut or maybe I SHOULDN'T EVEN EXIST ... I've been wondering whether if someday I would just disappear from the face of earth ... Other then my families , would anyone worry or care ? If yes who would it be ? I really wish it would be her ... But I think not ..... Im hoping for too much ... Oh yea by the way , Thanks Winnie for letting me understand more about religion ... Got a clearer thinking about Christianity now ... I really need someone to talk to .... Haiz I really wish it were you ... But somehow I think I'm wishing for too much again ...

Can't stop thinking of you ...

2005-08-25T08:20:00.000-07:00

Its been long since i last blogged . Guess its time for me to pour out my feelings to this little humble blog of mine . It aint anithing great but it sure does a good work for me . It lets me lighten my burden in my heart . Life isn't going that great for me . Homework piling up .. Promos round the corner ... Haven started studying yet ... Better start soon mate -.- ... Argh !!!! I simply hate my life ... I feel that im always so nice to people that im too easily bullied ... Maybe some of you are right ... Im too nice a person that I only give and do not take back anything in return... Im afraid that if one fine day.. I don't treat people like how I treated them in the past .. I maybe branded as hypocritical ... Treating others nice for a motive ... I wonder whether anyone out there would share my joys and pain ? I seriously wonder who would ever give another thought about my life and feelings ... You say give it up .. I tried ... I seriously tried my very best ... But i can't ... I really just can't give her up ... Im too emotionally attached to her ... Ever small action of hers affects me very seriously ... I guess thats my weakness .... I wish you would understand how I feel... I truly dearly miss you very much ... I see you in school everyday but I somehow still feel a sense of longing when I return home ... Why do I feel this way ? Are you really that precious to me ? I guess so or I wouldn't be feeling this way ...

As the nation grows older by a year....

2005-08-09T11:56:00.000-07:00

Happy National Day ...Im late by a day -.-....Anyway wishing all Singaporeans a prosperous year ahead .... Missed this year NDP ... But don't really care as I watched it before le ... Rather spend time watching the fireworks with my good ol pals ... Although the patterns are repetitive... I somehow have a odd attraction to watch it over and over again ... Let me count ... Hmmz I have watched it for like 4 times ? Ahahahaha ^^ ... Its really really beautiful especially the 'waterfall' lookalike fireworks... Haha ... I think I'll post till here =) ... Will continue tomorrow ... Bye

What's this bad feeling inside me ?

2005-07-31T08:54:00.000-07:00

Its been long time since I have posted.. Guess its time i constantly update my blog .... Yea my birthday just passed not too long ago... Let me see ... 3 days ago ? Yea ... Im 1 year older and 1 year closer to entering a M18 show ... ^^ I swear when Im exactly 18 next year Im going to rush into a M18 show straight ... The week passed quite smoothly ... Other then getting caught for skipping GP lecture .. Nothing much really happened ... Im not angry at anyone for the punishment meted out for skipping lecture ... I knew it was my fault ... Learning is part of growing anyway ^^ .... As for Saturday ... Was hauled along to watch the NDP at the last minute by Clarence ... It was a really enjoyable experience although it was super duper last minute .... I didn't even have a chance to decline it .... Went on later to meet Zheng Guang and Dez ... Spend my whole Saturday on fun and joy ... No study done T_T ... Now comes Sunday ... Spend most of the time playing Maple ... Im like OMG im getting addicted to this game ... Self control is what I need ... Hope I have the willpower to control myself ... I will after i get my pan lid =D hehe .... Now for my reflections ... I seem to have this really bad feeling that she likes someone in the class and that someone likes her as well ... My 6th sense tingling ? Accurate ? I don't really know ... People keep asking me don't I feel jealous ... Im lying if I say Im not but what good does it do feeling jealous ? I can't stop anyone from liking her as well ... The only thing I can do is to help myself to change her heart ... Seriously I don't want to touch her anywhere except her heart ( No Obscene thoughts intended ) .... She seems more comfortable talking to me now ... Is that a good sign or is it otherwise ? No one knows except her ..... Really missing you very much ... I wish you could sit down with me and let me talk to you the whole day through ....

Doubtful life

2005-07-24T07:45:00.000-07:00

Life I feel would be not complete without doubts ... Doubts are what keeps most people on the go.. Imagine if the world is doubtless ... Scientist would live in this world without a meaning ... Everyone would predict thier death date and try thier utmost best to avoid that day.... Everyone would know what would happen to damn tomorrow that you would wake up in the morning planning to excute every possible actions to avoid the bad stuff which are about to unfold ... Don't you find such a life boring ? Sometimes some stuff are best to be unknown ... An example would be your fortune ... If its meant to be its meant to be ... No use getting it interpreted and get scared out of your wits when you find out you are going to die the next day ... Just live life as it is supposed to be and get surprised by the surprises planned by the almighty one above... I have to admit my life has too many doubts ... So many that its starting to confuse me... Had my PTM yesterday ... As usual ... The same few comments .. Talkative blah blah blah ... Cliche -.- ... Teachers don't have creativity at all ... Blergh -.- Too much books kills ... Later went out to play pool with Timo ... Hahaha cute name .... Yea played pool before we went to the esplanade to HEAR the NDP parade ... LOLX ... Yes no typo ... Hear it was ... The fireworks were nice ... Was damn romantic at the time ... Too bad I was with a guy T_T ... How I wish it was her .... Sigh guess it will never happen ... Went to support Skunk today for the dota competition ... Thier team loss sadly but never mind ... They are still the top 4 ^^ ... Well done ... Saw some really good play by RJ and AJ ... AJ won eventually ... Was really exciting ... Wouldn't want to describe the whole match as girls would read my blog =x ... They will go " Eee Dota again ... Can you stop talking about dota ... " So I'll skip that part.... Later on went home and DotA once again -.- ... Getting boring la ... Now for the last question I would like to ask before I end off this rather long post ... May I know if you know ? Hmmz rather confusing ... But I guess most of you would understand what I'm asking ... I hope you know ... Signing off .....

Lost !

2005-07-13T00:17:00.000-07:00

说不上为什么我变得很主动
若爱上一个人什么都会值得去做
我想大声宣布对妳依依不舍
连隔壁邻居都猜到我现在的感受
河边的风在吹着头发飘动
牵着妳的手一阵莫名感动
我想带妳回我的外婆家
一起看着日落一直到我们都睡着
我想就这样牵着妳的手不放开
爱能不能够永远单纯没有悲哀
我想带妳骑单车我想和妳看棒球心意
想这样没担忧唱着歌一直走
我想就这样牵着妳的手不放开
爱可不可以简简单单没有伤害
妳靠着我的肩膀妳在我胸口睡着
像这样的生活我爱妳妳爱我
想简！简！单！单！爱
想简！简！单！单！爱
Hey hey !! Sharm as requested by you =D haha ... Specially for you ...
Okay back to my life ... Damn damn damn ... Lost in the DOTA competition to a bunch of CHEENA nerds who would probably cry when I tell thier mum that they are playing computer ... Nerds -.- ... But got to really admit that those people there are good... By the way .. All the way Saints .. Im supporting you guys =D Skunk remember the treat lolx .... Wahaha just kidding.. Now for my Mid Year Results ... Got a total F for chinese and a C for physics ... Damn that 0.7 marks needed for the grade jump -.- Got to find a damn 1 mark next day ... Grrrr ... Predicting a B for maths , F for GP =x and a E for chem .... Okay I know my results look damn sucky .... But 2 B's for my first exams seems impressive ^^ ... Nah maybe not ... Tons of people out there get A's for thier first exam.... Now my feelings ... The emo part again =x ... Haiz feeling alot better ever since that day she spoke to me ... It clears my doubt of whether she is ignoring me or not ... At least I can communicate better with her now ... Im so lost this time ... I really don't know whether I should continue on ... People keep telling me .. Try ... But I don't seem to be moving an inch ... Sad T_T ... Haiz ... You guys keep asking me whether I really like her ... Its rather hard for a guy to answer this question in words ... Message would be easier .. But if she were to ask this question to me ... I would answer a straight yes ! A affirmed and solid yes ... No doubt YES !! ... Sigh ... There seems to be this other person who also likes her ... Maybe Im wrong but it seems so... I hope Im a notch above this other person if he was to like her ... I really really wish to do something to help myself but fears are holding me back .... Overcome this fears I must one day ... I really hope you would be mine ... You are really the treasure that I seek....

Missing someone ...

2005-07-02T10:56:00.000-07:00

Receieve message on friendster about missing someone ... It gives all the description of how one would feel when he/she misses someone ... Im like errr ... It fits me totally now ... I don't really know why ... Its like i dread seeing her online because im afraid there would be no reply ... However paradoxically I want her online -.- ... My mind is going hay wire ... Sigh .. She isn't really talking to me much now ... Maybe I guess my friends are right ... I don't take the initiative to speak to her ... Im just waiting for her to start ... Dumb me =x Guess I should talk to her more ... Its no use whining about how much I miss her on my blog ... Actions speak louder than words ... I will do it ... I will ... All I need to know is how am I going to touch her heart ... Project 365 stars starts next week ... Exams are over ... Guess I'm going to fail it badly ... Chinese a certain F grade ... Chem max grade AO pass .... Physics may pass with a D grade ... Maths is my only 100% pass subject ... Hope a B or C grade ... Praying for GP =x T_T .... May I get the grades I hope for =x If I was an angel ... I would bless you every minute and second ... Wishing you were safe and sound ....

Musical box of beautiful dreams ...

2005-06-20T10:14:00.000-07:00

Loving someone is really painful ... They always say its nice to be loved but not nice to love ... This is real true... Got to admit to this phrase ... Im suffering from the constant hiding of the fact that I like you ... Suffering from the worries I have for you... Suffering from the jealousy I have which acts up every now and then ... Haiz ... I really do like you a lot ... I think sometimes its better to not let the other party know... At least we remain friends ... Beats being ignored when I tell the truth... The truth isn't always what is wanted to be heard =) I seriously hope that I can hold your hand and walk side by side on a romantic road =) ... Sigh it will just be part of my fream which is tucked nicely in my musical box of beautiful dreams ..

Irony of Life

2005-06-18T11:54:00.000-07:00

Life is so ironical ... Ever thing seems to contradict itself in life... It happens everywhere ... Even stuffs as small as having a birthday party ... People don't want to grow old , however they celebrate thier birthday every year to remind themselves how old they are ... Irony number 1 ... World War 2 was started by the germans ... It was indirectly ended by a german also ... Irony number 2... My intepretation of Newtons's 3rd law of motion ... Irony number 3 ... This are 3 good examples of how life is contradicting itself ... Why cant everything be solved by a simple modulus ? All negative issues become positive and all positive issues stay positive ... This way life will be much better .... By the way ... Dez thank your sis once again if you happen to read this post ... Thank her for the wonderfull dinner and wish her a really happy 21st birthday ... On my way back from the party just now , my mind turn philosophical for a moment ... Started thinking of how life is like .. Sad for some beautiful for many .... For me , I guess its neither sad nor beautiful ... I have friends who encourage me in everything I do ... Friends whom are true friends who help me in little little problems that I have ... Online friends who are supposedly labelled as 'bad people' by the masses are real good friends for me ... Im really fortunate to have met this group of people who brought colour and brightness into my life ... Thanks guys ... I really appreciate all those things you have done for me ... However everything needs to be balanced ... To achieve equilibrium ... All good things must come to and end ... Its the same for life ... All good stuffs you have there must be negative stuffs to bring about balance ... Yeah problems for me in life... I got real hard problems relating to the girl that I like ... Why is it so hard to even say how are you ? Back to the issue of fear ... Why do I fear rejection so much ? This questions are really mind boggling... Perhaps some questions are meant not to be answered ... Sometimes its better not to know what you want to know =) .... If only I had a chance to say I Love You ... Life would be beautiful for me ... Don't worry guys ... Im stepping out of the darkness which disables my will to speak ... Ill curb my fear and start to pursue my future ... I promise I would ... I promise ... A little sweet message which I doubt I will there to say to her " If you need me , close your eyes and call my name . Ill come for you no matter where I am" Aint really that sweet but I guess it brings across my message real well ... Signing off once again =) Lychee ................

Will to speak

2005-06-14T01:44:00.000-07:00

Im losing the will to speak ... Guess alot of people have noticed that im sort of quiet this few days ... Really losing the will to speak... Why ? Im not sure about it also... But its guaranteed regarding her .... But why ? I don't know .... Im losing the will to speak ... Slowly losing the will to eat also ... Will i lose the will to live on ? Im not sure .... Till the time comes ........

The J feeling

2005-06-12T09:16:00.000-07:00

Signs of the J feeling shown but not noticed... I really don't understand why I feel this way... I haven't felt this way before ... The J feeling isn't a nice feeling ... It pierces my heart real deep ... Im not crying physically but deep in my heart its weeping tears of blood ... I feel so pathetic ... A real weakling in the midst of the strong .... Would she choose the weak ? Or naturally go for the strong ... Sigh ... What can I do to touch your heart ? What can I do to stand out amongst the others ? When I close my eyes I see your face etched out in the darkness ... Why ? Don't tell me I really love you so much ? Don't really have the mood to talk nowadays ... Do you hate me ? I constantly am trying to search for the answer to this question ... I really can't stand it anymore ... The feeling is painful ... Fear is a really powerful thing... It holds you back from attempting to do tons of things... Maybe your are right .. I've got too many fears.... To be precise ... Irrational fears .... That's whats hindering me from talking to you normally ... Maybe you guys are right ... Im oversensitive ... A meagre action results in huge reaction from me ... Sigh I guess this time its real... The feeling which I didn't get from the others.. I really do love you... Wish you knew about it .....

Newton's 3rd law of motion

2005-06-09T08:40:00.000-07:00

The 3rd law of motion... The most interesting law of all 3 ... An action will have an equal reaction acting upon it in the opposite direction... This fits real true in life ... You be nice ... You get an equal reaction in the opposite direction .... You get screwed around half your life ... So I guess you got to be bad to be treated nicely by people ... Who cares if they treat you nicely is becuase of fear ... You still get heavenly treatment.... Should I convert ? Hahaha wonder how I would look like if im evil =x ... I just dont have that evil look ... I am too goody too shoes le =x .... Sigh was playing WoW early this evening when I saw her online ... Tried to strike a conversation but as usual no reply ... I feel this sense of yearning to look at her smile and laugh at that sudden moment.. Why do I miss her so much ? It cant be this way .... I've never felt this way before ... Maybe Im asking for too much ... Maybe Im toking to far fetched ... But this feeling inside me is unexplainably painful T_T I MISS YOU SO even if its 5 minutes , 5 hours or 5 days... Sighhhhh

Fears...

2005-06-08T09:17:00.000-07:00

Fear is omnipotent... Exist in every state and form... I fear too many things... The fear of losing you... The fear of you ignoring me... The fear of rejection... The fear of you getting ill .... These fears have manifested my heart... Why do I fear so much about you ??? Is it because you are too precious to me ? Questions popping around in my head... Will you give me a chance to treasure you ? How do I start a conversation with you when I stutter my way through ? How would i know whether you are fine each day ? What can I do to make you happy ? A life without you is worst then a life without games... You are really my precious .... If only you knew ........

A step ahead ...

2005-06-07T08:44:00.000-07:00

Its been a long time since I posted on my blog... Lots of things happen this past few week... Im finally a full fledged SRJC rugger now =) ... Had fun walking that 20 over kilometre walk... Couldnt really complete the walk as my knee was hurting real bad that day ... But was real fun ... Next is that DotA competition coming right up... Yay !!! Im in a team le =) Feel so honoured... Must try my best le =) Glory to SR ... This may jolly well be the first competition that they win =D hahahahahaha.... I swear if we were to win ... Im gonna propose a gaming club in school =) .... Okay now the technical stuffs... My com got infected by virus once again as usual... No dirty stuff but still infected -.- Trojan sux ... Got my WoW to work today =) real nice graphics ... Hahaha maybe I'll skip rugby for this... Nah just kidding ( kerpal slang ) =) .... hahahahaha ... Promise myself not to play that too much ... CT round the corner hahahahaha =D ... Now the emotional stuff ... Had a walk to remember today ... A walk I'll never forget ... Thanks for the chances guys =) ... I really appreciated it... She looks damn sweet when she smiles ... A smile I'll never forget

Wish you were okay ....

2005-05-23T08:38:00.000-07:00

Woke up this morning to hear her sick... She's fallen ill 2 times this week already... Better take care... Sigh its like she's sick and Im helpess... The feeling is real bad.... Which I can be beside her at that time... What can I do man ? Whatever I do results in rumours.... I seriously do not want her to know about it... Ill care for her in secret... May it never be known.. Its like what for make it known ? I know it will never happen... The heart of paper stars shall be achieved !!!! The problem now is to find the papers with really nice patterns on it... Sigh... Life is really getting bad for me... Its like I have been studying and I only want 1 day for resting ... I got nagged at -.- ... Nice one man.... This is real sad ... I've quit ns for studies already... What more you want me to do ? Sad life sad guy T_T ... When would this misery end ? When would it ? Had this sudden spark of idea to haf choco wedding =P... Chocolate theme wedding... Picturing a fountain with chocolate spraying out in the middle of the hall ... Lovely... Romantico ... Then I will be there savouring the choco delights with YOU... What a beautiful sight it would be... But it will never come true... I know my limits and you are over my limits.... Sighz ...................

The end of the road

2005-05-15T09:58:00.000-07:00

So many stuffs happened this few days... For today , the major event that happened is that my team disbanded .. Sad real sad.. The times where we played together.. The period where we rose to the highest ... The time where we fell down like crap... The time where we played in the chalet as 1 full team =) All gone now... Its just memories from now on... Not material substance but part of the memory stream.... Let us all remember the fun and sad times we had together as a team ... Remember team 1 guys =D remember us ^^ ... Now it depends on you guys ... Team 2 and 3 to do us proud... Thats 1 real sad stuff that happen to me this week... Next was somehow I magically forgotten about my ez link card and almost lost it... I havent lost my possesions ever since young... This is the first time ... Guess I'm gettin senile... Sadness.... Next sad thing is that I have this funny feeling in me... I feel that she's really getting irritated with me ... I hope she doesn't get irritated till she stops talking to me ... If I'm ever wrong please tell me.... And i seriously still am wondering what did i do to enable the whole class to know that I like her -.- Wondering .... wondering.... wondering ..

Outbreak !!

2005-05-08T08:12:00.000-07:00

Oh Gosh ... The pimples !!! Damn them burn them kill them with facial cream ... Ahhhh .... Swear no more late night DotA games ... *I just broke this promise* Sleep early ... School tomorrow ... Sigh boring day again ... Mon-boring-day.... 5 more days to play day =D 4 test this week .. Im gonna get owned by school T_T Never mind ... Perservere on... Own the maths and Chem paper ... Hope my hardwork this few days is useful or i swear I shall quit studying =D haha jus kidding .... Zheng Guang ah ... This message is for you... If you really like her ah then go for her.... I cannot change your opinions on her but I tell you she is not worth your time ... Anyway still wish you all the best in getting her... Haha ... Been spending this 2 days mugging my life out .... I really want to do well in the test ... Dont want to fail the test AGAIN !!! On these 2 days of mugging journey... Found a realy nice place to study hahahaha ^^ Aug chiong there nxt time la dont go to CC anymore... Wish I can study there with her ... I wont mind going there everyday with you... Eager to see you tomorrow ... Signing off Chee ...................

I am dumb

2005-05-04T01:07:00.000-07:00

想用一杯Latte把你灌醉好让你能多爱我一点
暗恋的滋味你不懂这种感觉早有人陪的你永远不会
看见你和他在我面前证明我的爱只是愚昧
你不懂我的那些憔悴是你永远不曾过的体会
为你付出那种伤心你永远不了解我又何苦勉强自己爱上你的一切
你又狠狠逼退我的防备静静关上门来默数我的泪
明知道让你离开他的世界不可能会我还傻傻等到奇迹出现的那一天
直到那一天你会发现真正爱你的人独自守着伤悲
曾经我以为我自己会后悔不想爱的太多痴心绝对
为你落第一滴泪为你做任何改变也唤不回你对我的坚决
- Li Sheng Jie -

Haha its been since I have blogged ... Decided to put these song on my blog ... Ahahaha Sharm for u la =D .... Read my blog can le ... Yea... Im very honoured that you read my blog that day ... The past few weeks or so have been the same at school ... Really really miss the company of those buncha marist friends ... They brought so much fun to my life ... Now we get to meet like only once a week ... Sad I guess .... Sigh guess its time for me to wake up and adapt to this group of new friends .... They are wacky hahaha... Always gives me a good laugh being with them... SRJC isn't so bad after all... Perfect without Mrs Kok .... =) hahahahaha jus kidding ... I like the way the school just as it is ... Homework is taking its toll on me ... Getting really stressed out... Pwned by chem .... Never mind I'll perservere on .... Sigh still feeling really retarded even after its like 1 day ever since the stupid dare ... Why was I so dumb ? Why didnt I do the first dare they gave me ? Why ? I am a dumb ass .... Dumbest ass ever on earth ... The world gave me 2 chances ... I screwed both up .... The bus and dare both did not work out right ... Im really dumb .... Will you ever be with me ? I'll change to be with you ... Tell me where to change ... All I pray for is your safety and a word from you everyday ... I'll be contented then ... Really really hope to speak with you alone 1 day ... *crying chee*

Auroras

2005-04-22T10:10:00.000-07:00

Living in my dream .... A dream of holding your hand and watching the auroras appearing over our heads... The sight is romantic =) I'll make that dream come true ^^ .... Now back to reality... Jc life is getting fun =) GP is so fun !!!! I totally love GP ..... GP rox man..... Havin some really bad problems with chemistry ... Mole is like totally different from O levels... Really confusing man... Haha bonded with my class damn well... Oh yes 1S13 rox =) .... Okay I feel damn bad now for making fun of almost every teacher that taught me before -.- ... Repent I shall hahahahahahaha..... Tutorials piling up now ... Got a summation worksheet, a GP essay and 3 chemistry tutorial worksheets ... Woohoo Im gonna die this weekend ....Hahahahaha.... 2 test next week to add to my burden.... Im going to blow up =x ..... Sigh .... Really very sick and tired of DOTA... Guess its time to leave it .... Back to NS ... Compy... Compy.... Must wake myself up .... Sigh .... Really very stressed .... Dont know whether I can even go for the compy -.- ..... Gotta go soon ... Have to wake up early tomorrow to make my ATM card =D .... Sigh... Wish I could hold your hand .... And Ill paint the auroras for you ^^ .... I really cant forget you =)

Feeling sick and odd

2005-04-13T07:24:00.000-07:00

This feeling burns inside me... The feeling of jealousy.... Ahhhh cant take it anymore.... Why do I feel this way ? Is it because I really like her or is it just another of mine infatuations or in layman term 'crush' ... Had this really advisory chat with Michelle earlier in the night... I sounded like I was preaching ... Thats why I'm a High S =D Yea good listener... Tell me your problems... Thou shall solve it =x ..... Yea she was kinda of talking about relationships... From what she is experiencing I can see much about thier relationship... But I shan't say lest it affects them .... All the best to you 2 people... Stay sweet and loving together forever =) ... Haha the problem with me is that I can solve others problem... But fail to solve mine own.... Haha ... Sigh Im just a minute person in the sea of human beings ... Why bother about me ? Im getting sick and tired of this life... Sticking with a friend who is almost Schizophrenic.... Tries to be close to her (This explains the jealousy I feel) .... Attracts tons of attractions and act totally cute.... Okay gotta admit he is cute (not gay disclaimer I ARE NOT GAY) ... Maybe girls fall for him but not me =) .... But I somehow feels that she is too precious too me ... Really really too precious too me... This may sound cliche in my blog ... But this time I'm really speaking from the deepest abyss of my heart ... The downright bottom ... The darkest corner of my heart ... Sigh i feel miserable... Would my lucky charms lend me thier ears ? I wonder... Wonder ... Wonder ..............

Cutie Pie

2005-04-12T07:05:00.000-07:00

The class rules man ! The school still sucks however.... Totally love 1S13 =D hahahahaha.... Its been a long time since i posted... Been a really bad student for these few weeks... Skipping lectures like nobody's buisness... To be truthful... I haven seen my C maths lecturer .. =D wahahahaha... The class is super on and enthusiastic man... Just like how i behave in campfire... *Hints* Fitting in !! Fitting In !!! Fitting in liao le !!! hahahahaha.... Today had some team excellence game crap... My class was like super super... Enthu enthu ... Super enthu ... Enthu super ... haha don't need to continue le =D Yea they are really cool guys and girls *winks winks* special girl .... Cute girl ..... Cool girl haha ..... Got to get her =D....

The piece of puzzle that does not fit

2005-04-02T10:09:00.000-08:00

I don't fit.... I just can't fit into the group.... Maybe its because of the influence of a single sex school.... I find it hard to talk to the girls... Especially 1 girl ..... Im like a piece of puzzle that can't fit... Left in the box ... Left out from being framed up and display... An outcast ... A pariah.... An extra.... They try to talk to me.... But I can't seem to give the correct reply to let me continue on with the conversation.... It will always be a 1 question 1 answer type of conversation... That is retarded.... Trying to talk to them online but they always don't seem to be free to chat with me.... Guess I'll be lonely for 2 years in the JC... Why can't the same confidence when talking to my buddies be displayed when i talk to this bunch of people ? The answer lies in 1 word ... My most hated word... REJECTION.... Okay JC life is kind off fun.... Learning lots of cool new stuffs.... GP is boring .... The rest of the lectures are fine .... SRJC isn't so bad after all.... I feel kind of attached to the school now ..... Taking my favourite combination so WORK HARD I MUST =) ... Work for my aim.... I will..... I will .... I will ...............................

Forget the past

2005-03-26T07:58:00.000-08:00

The past.... The memories kept inside your mind.... Flipping through it like photo albums... You remember the sweet and bitter things.... Why can't people forget it ? Why must people remember it ? If only I could erase away my memory... I wouldn't need to think of those unhappy past that i encountered... But why ? I constantly ask myself WHY ? WHY ? WHY ? WHY ? Why do I remember this ? I saw Sunny today... Bad memories came back.... I met Rachel Tang on the exact same day... Again bad memories came back .... Why do they have to come back into this new chapter of my life... A life I have decided to start anew... On a fresh piece of paper .... You guys totally spoiled my life again .... The new life gone just like that.... Upon hearing words regarding your memories... Your wish to relive those memories of your shattered my heart.... I guess he is too precious to you... You can let him go this easily.... But there is one question I want to ask you..... Do you even want to see me ? A simple question ... A difficult to accept answer... Sigh

Smell of Fresh Air

2005-03-15T07:44:00.000-08:00

Im up and running again... After being down for 3 days with fever.... Fever was pretty serious... 39 GGed degrees celsius.... Wonder whether I haven become stupider or more retarded.... The chalet is 3 days away... Really looking forward to it.... Wonder how many will turn up .... Went out today FINALLY.... Had my breathe of fresh air after 3 days of stale room bacteria infested air..... Went to Cineleisure (dont know what attracts us to the dreaded place soo much ) to watch movie... We watched Robots.... Really cute movie... Kinda touching too... I actually cried in this movie =D Haw Haw you guys did not noticed eh ? ^^ The show was meaningful... Showed how the rich bullied the poor.... And we they went overboard the poor fought back.... So it shows do not treat the poor like dirt.... Haha learned a new phrase... You can shine no matter what you are made of.... The show was really cute.... Anyway hope you turn up at the chalet... I wont mind going the extra mile sending you home =D..... Signing off Chee............

4 Word Post

2005-03-12T08:29:00.000-08:00

Hate Pills .... Love Ya ^^

Tao Huay Frenzy

2005-03-07T08:42:00.000-08:00

Soya beans died.... Imagine how many died when I guy (Freestyle) just go there and slurps all of them up.... Soya beans will 1 day be extinct ... Joining in the ranks of the Tasmanian wolf and co. ..... Okay back to serious buisness ... Today was totally electronical day .... All we did was go Lan go arcade... The only time un-electronic ( if theres such a word ) is when we had lunch... LAN was totally DOTA dominated... We spent all the time playing DOTA... Come to think of it ... I dont know why i hated DOTA so much in the past.... Later on went to Plaza Singapura to see Betrayer play his favourite Rock Fever 4... Screw u hacker !!!! Your hands are crazily fast... I tried playing that game... Although I played the easiest stage... I still got owned -.- ..... The things were coming down so fast... Got confused after a while.... Later on sponsored Freestyle a token to challenge someone in Soul Calibur as he claims that he is the best .... Okay he really is quite good... Made my 50 cents worthwhile... He lasted quite long but in the end still got his ass kicked by Inferno... Back to the PS2 boy !!! Train harder now.... Guess you are tucked tightly in bed now.... Sleeping soundly dreaming of wonderful things... I wish I can be in your dreams .... But somehow I know I will never be ..... Really really want to chat with you .... I.R.L.Y. Signing off Chee ......

Zoo Revisted

2005-03-05T08:51:00.000-08:00

Cool today... Totally crazy day... Planned a trip to visit the zoo with my usual buddies... We wanted to see how the zoo has changed after last visiting it almost a decade ago .... The time where water bottles were slinged on and bags as big as though a tortoise carrying a tortoise shell ... Totally combed the whole of the zoo... Okay maybe 95 % of the zoo... We did not visit the pigs etc... Found them too boring... Went into this cool 'rainforest' called the biodome... Had botterflies flying around us... Just like the secret garden =D... Except this place was more wild and overgrown =x.... Saw 2 cute sloths on the floor sitting down on the floor... Took a picture of them... Ill upload it when i figure out how to =x .... This big butterfly landed on Dez's shirt.... His shirt was the exact same colour as the nectar plate hence the confusion =D ... Lolz ... Saw this really gruesome picture of skinning tigers and how they are hunted ... Feel so sad for them ... SAVE THE TIGERS PEOPLE.... SAVE THEM ..... Haha... Later on went to play pool , eat and had fun in DOTA... Although i got pwned hard.... Really wanted to message you... A simple message of "How are you today " would make me really exalted.... However I afraid you will feel I am a nuisance.... Guess I shall give you sometime .... Give you time to recover from the deep wound someone engraved on your heart.... Theres only 4 letters i want to tell you .... I.R.L.Y ... Decipher it =D Missing you all the more ....

The Start Of The Route To The Future

2005-02-28T09:40:00.000-08:00

Hands trembling ... I signed the acknowledgement form.... 17 points... It came at last... I heave a sigh of relief... Its over.... The end of the tension !!!! Thinking of trying out CJC.... Hope they accept me in =) I have decided .... F maths will not be one of my options .... No more hopes of being a mathematics nerd.... Onwards to Sciences !!!! Ho ho ho.... hope I can cope..... Took my results today.... Later on went out with the same bunch of people.... Sigh seriously I should count my blessings... I should be satisfied with my points.... Cuz I admit I really didnt study hard for the O's ... I was out playing with people during the O's preparation ... =x Watched hide and seek .... Real cool movie ... The 1st movie to make me think haw haw .... ^^ Later went on to eat Marchē... Yuki remind me to pay you haha ^^ ... Cannot treat me... I feel bad.... Later on we just spoke crap and made our way home .... Thinking of going CJC tomorrow to find out how its like ... Hope it will be pleasant =) As for that special person ..... I really wish you were with me to share this moment with me ... I really wish you were out with me today T_T ... Blogging off .......*Chee*

Sense Of Insecurity

2005-02-25T07:24:00.000-08:00

Im having this sixth sense tingling in me... A sense that forebodes something not good... I feel that I will lose her.... Losing her to a guy far more superior then me.... This sense of insecurity is totally overwhleming me.... And it all started with just 4 letters .... Sigh... She will be lost... She will.... My feeling tells me she will be lost.... Went out yesterday with my bunch of good buddies.... Went on a freaking pool spree and watched White Noise after that.... That show was so 'real'... It totally scared the hell out of me.... Haha weakling here.... Today went out with those NS players.... Hahaha totally bunch of really nice guys and girls.... Went on another pool spree and had a shock of our lives when we saw RuoCi at cineleisure... ZOMG.... Maybe its heaven's blessing to let Zheng meet her..... Went later to the arcade where I was once again forced to play Para Para.... I did well this time .... 99 Max Combo !!!! Completed all 3 stages ... Haw Haw .... Pwned that =P.... Went off to 'Curry Haven' again to eat... Thats like the 2nd time this week eating there -.- Later went off to the Tao Huay store -.- Where gayer down 4 bowls of Tao Huay like plain water... Addicted ah gayer =D ..... Later on .. we all went home together .... Oh ya I also finally got my Zen Touch to work .... So happy =D ..... ZzZzZ.... I really cannot bear to lose you .... I miss you so much ... Signing off Chee .........

At last a new MP3

2005-02-22T08:35:00.000-08:00

Omg ... Omg ... Omg ... at last a new MP3 !!!! Im like so happy now... Gotta wait for the battery to charge before I can hear the sweet sound of Hoobastank blasting on it.... Cant wait anymore !!!!! Got new headphones too... NS here I come !!! Went out today to Sim Lim Square to have a super shopping spree.... Spend alot and i mean ALOT of money there... 500 bux gone just like that.... Later went on to play pool at parklane... Danger Zone siax there... Feel so pressured playing pool there ... Those Ah Bengs are scary ..... Touch them with the cue stick and get whacked by the cue stick.... Later on went on to play LAN at Big O.... Fleas you gay pwned us in Half Life... You gay.... Went on to Rendezvous Hotel to eat our dinner.... Thats like the number how many time we ate there le.... And we are always the noisiest there.... Korma pwnz joo..... Was talking to her this morning.... Why must she always ask me question where the answer so damn obvious.... Why ? Why ? Why ? ..... Why I ask myself why..... I really feel contented just to speak to her everyday for about 5 minutes... Its rejuvenates me.... Really really want to speak to you ......

You are etched out in my mind

2005-02-21T16:30:00.000-08:00

Why can't I get you out of my mind.... Its a real torture just by not talking to you each day.... All I can say is that I really miss you... Really wanting you to go out with me.... That's my only wish.... Came home from The Oriental hotel yesterday morning... Thanks Dez for the warm hospitality displayed by you and your sister =D.... Thanks for letting me enjoy the comfortness of a 6 Star hotel... Didnt had a good sleep there...Clarence and Dez took the bed leaving me to sleep in that 'heavenly baby cot' ..... My neck kinda hurt when i woke up... OH YA NOT TO FORGET LOST 17 BUX FROM BAN LUCK (blackjack) .... Dez and Clarence $%@%$^@%@$ ...... At least Dez got treat me taxi unlike that master of the conman universe.. !!! Grr .... Came home to sleep again.... Woke up in the afternoon and did nothing except chat on msn ..... Had a really nice chat with her... Even though its lame... I still find it nice.. O.O IM GOING CRAZY !!!! Shes really too sweet le... I've decided... Made up my mind... Sorted out my confusion... Im really in love this time.... This feeling is something that I don't get from the previous.... She is really too special... Too precious... Sigh... Your words are really puzzling me ... How can I make you trust me ........

1 day without you

2005-02-19T09:12:00.000-08:00

I look at the phone in my hand.... So tempted to message you.... Asking hows your day.... But I guess this just isnt the right time to do so.... Its my 'quarantine' period.... The time to be deep in thought or wad monks call it meditation =) Haw haw acting lame but failed thoroughly.... Im feeling so down and depressed now... Needing people to hurl abuses at me... But no one wants to do just that... Im going crazy I guess.... Went to SAJC funfair this afternoon.... Sweltering heat from the sun.... Screwz it.... Got kind of burnt .... Kurenai told me there were lots of pretty girls around... However I somehow just dont see them as pretty... Im devoid of feelings now... Walking around like a ghoul... Acting happy in front you guys... But deep down inside .... Im down and out.... Went for pool later.... Somehow pool makes me emotional... I felt my heart aching twice just having the thoughts of her flashing through my mind.... Im somehow just missing her so much..... Went for dinner later at Rendezvous Hotel.... Guess this was the time where I was really enjoying myself... Cracking jokes after jokes... Although I know i aint funny in any single way....... Later went home with Zheng and talk tons of philosphy on the way back... This is meaningful to me... " Girls belong to 3 different groups... The photograph- A good looking girl with no meaning( Character ).. The Storybook - A good looking girl with meaning... And lastly The Dictionary- A average looking girl with tons of meaning...." Guess it those makes a lot of sense to me.... Another saying that I thought of ( although its lame ) ... Namers ( or whatever you call people that name things ) give things different names because its of different meaning... In life theres a difference in boys and girls..... Thats why they are named differently... The meaning in this case is thier different personality.... Kinda Chim but I understand it fully.... If only you were beside me now ...............

Confusion.... Sorting out my thoughts

2005-02-18T09:14:00.000-08:00

Im blogging with a totally messed up mind.... Confused is the word to use in this text.... Unable to see right and left.... Mixing up darkness and light.... Love and Infatuations..... This sickening thoughts.. Irritates me.... How I wished Pandora did not open that dreaded box... However without that box life would be meaningless =x.... 2 Edged Sword eh ? Was on the bus ride home with Jasmine , Winterkid, Zheng and of cuz me =x.... I guess I have got to get it sorted out soon... Love or Infatuation... Crush or True Love... Need to sort it out soon.... Or else I'll just hurt someone again.... Lots of things are kept inside ... I shall never reveal damn.... Its sometimes better to be self centred... There are things like 'I am always thinking of her' being kept inside not willing to say it out to you guys... Guys thats a boy's characteristic.... Unable to blurt out mushy stuffs like ILY ( I Love You ) easily.... Unable to understand love ? I guess not... Love is about actions not using a checkbook where u just tick and see the points... Above 50 points its love... Below that is Crush.... Its not that... Its the actions .... Bought a little gift for her.... Hope she appreciates it and not throw it away ( I hope )... Hope you like it.... Just for thespecial little someone..... Really wish i can talk to you about how I feel... But guess it will never happen.... I've given up on 1/2 my life.... Blame it on me for being fat and ugly.... Sigh.... Girls nowadays do not 'excite' me that much now.... Maybe its becuase of that little someone that purges the desire of me going crazy over ever new girl I see.... *Sigh* ..... Leaving NS for a week... Sort out my thoughts before going back.... If you jus say the word, I will gladly quit just for you ..........................................

The Feeling just fades AWayyyyyyyyyyy...........

2005-02-13T07:49:00.001-08:00

Here I am blogging on the eve of valentine's day... Its only 8 more minutes to Valentine's day.... Happy Valentine's day to those cool and loving couples out there... May you guys be forever together.... Especially out to Dez *winkie* get the hint haha... However eve of valentine's day is so saddening... My feeling for her suddenly faded away O.O .... A new feeling came... A far more tantalizing person came into this lonely and dark world of mine.... This feeling was almost impossible to come about but the horror still came.... Im confused while blogging.... Its a really wierd feeling I get... Haha.... Sentimental or overly desperate in love.... I dont know... Anyway kinda short post but im spinning off.. Bye

I got retrenched

2005-02-04T13:03:00.000-08:00

Blogging today is real meaningful... I have finally reached the first landmark on my pathway of life... Getting Retrenched.... Haha Many out there will kill me for saying this but anyway IM SO HAPPY to get retrenched.... This shows that I held on to the job and did not quit ... I was fired !!!! Wheeeee .... However kinda not willing to leave that job... Had so much fun there with Shawn and u night shift dudes.... Stay in contact ya... Next is to wait for my pay and to get the MP3 of my dream - Zen Touch.... The thought of it leaves my ear begging for good music !!! Had prata again after work today.... We ordered every single prata they had on the menu except the choco and banana ... They sounded gross... Salty and sweet dont mix =) All the pratas came and we ate it real fast... Guess all the checking and keying drained our energy.... However the pratas claiming to have so much flavours came out to only 2 flavours... EGG AND PLAIN -.- .... Cool right ?? Lolz ... Was messaging her throughout my working time... Got to know her a little more better... Switching CCA now ... Cool gal ya ? lolz haha ... Anyway.. Singing off Ermz i mean Signing off Bye... Missing you.. Hope to hear from you on Valentine's Day... TATA ~~~

Work Work !!!

2005-01-28T13:55:00.000-08:00

Haha guess what time I am blogging now ??? Its 5am lolz and I am not yet in slumberland.... My sleeping data has been corrupted due to the nature of my job.... Fear The Night Shift.... The night shift is fun actually.... Havoc time... Uno... Msning... Crapping along with our supervisor... Lolz .... This job is seriously so much fun..... Night shift is kinda cool.... You get to take taxi everyday lolz..... Comfort earns tons of money from us .... Today had prata which was treated by our super uber nice supervisor lolz... Suck up detected !!! Yah but he is real nice.... Actually all our supervisors are nice.... Oh ya not to forget operation breakout of office lolz.... Shawn had someone got his card deactivated and he could not open the door which needed the card to be open... So he went to unscrew the emergency door button and somehow got the door to open lolz.... It was real funny... Haha ...... Asked her to go out today... She talked to me a while before suddenly not replying... Guess she went to sleep .. I shall just have to wait for her answer tomorrow.... Sigh !!!! Wish I can be a better man after hearing 'Better Man' on Perfect 10 for this few days.... So ya signing off now.... Bye =) Missing jooz

Real Stressed Out

2005-01-18T09:35:00.000-08:00

Hmmz suddenly had the urge to blog and pour all my stress out..... Working really is crap... Wish I was studying now.... Now studying seems better.... Really so stressed out.... During this week I finished a really nice book called 'Offside Kirsten' .... Real cool book cause it talks about this girl's life... Really sounds like mine.... Ugly and being kinda despise all the good looking people =).... Thats why i enjoyed it... I can almost 'Feel' the book .... Haha... Work is like so stressful... Im looking through those small wordings on those idiotic hamper order forms... The words always make me squint my eyes... So small ... Moreover I have to look at at least 100 copies a day !!!!!! Why cant people just wish each other Happy Chinese New Year leaving the hampers aside ... As people always say... ITS THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS ......... ZzZzZ ..... Arghhhhh really can't stand it anymore..... Kept wanting to message her during my worktime.... So as to kill some of my boredom however I'm afraid she will call me ..... Calling me is cool but i can't pick up the phone at work..... Hence didn't message her at all.... While blogging Im listening to a song by Keane " Everyone's Changing" .... Kind of make sense right now.... Everyone's really changing... Mentality maturing as the day passes.... Learning to be more smarter as they meet the outside world... As for me I hope I'm changing too... For the first time today .... I wore long pants out ... LOL ... look real funny in it... Like a clown haha..... Just feeling very pissed off today... Everything doesn't turn out what i want it to turn out to be .... GrRrRrR angry !!!!! Hopes tomorrow will be a better day.... Chatted with Michelle a few days ago.... She really knock some sense into me... Guess i got to change my character.... Be more optimistic haha =) I'll try hard to..... Haizz really want to chat with you

Long time ...

2005-01-05T01:05:00.000-08:00

Its been a long time since I posted... Hmmz this few days spending all my time playing games, chatting on MSN, searching for the perfect job, playing MMORPGs no theres no tomorrow.... Got a very dull life ... I know... This half a month or so many things changed.... We now aint the bunch of friends who decide to go out at the last minute and still get to go out... No no our lifestyle has changed... Maybe them not me.... Almost all of them has found a job... Thats like so cool .... Jobs jobs grrr cant find one.... They got skills and connection ... Job seeking is easy task to them.... Me ? Nah useless being on earth... Skilless no connection from an average families without connections to offices that wan to hire me.. So here I am rotting at home.... Went through the topic of our future in the server yesterday night.... We were all planning what to be next time..... As for me... I have got a wierd aspiration.... Wanting to be a nuclear physicist ..... When I said this they went laughing ...... Haha I know odd ..... But sorry its my dream... My interest... Yea.... Thought of what to take if i ever happen to fail to go JC.... But not really sure whether I am really interested in that... Just hope for the best that I will go to another JC and take my fav subject "MATHS" ...... Hope I will be holding 3 maths book when I study once again ^^.... Guess I'll stop here lest boring u all out haha ...* Missing ya *

Lineage 2 is getting fun

2004-12-15T07:07:00.000-08:00

Oh my Lineage 2 is getting more fun... At first I thought it was some mindless walking and hacking game however now it seems to be getting fun... Changing class... Getting better items.... Oh my... Fun game... NS is getting too boring i guess... Guess I shall go scrim with my team tomorrow... Got to get over the match... Cleaned my mind yesterday at the beach.... Had a really good time yesterday... Suffered alot too yesterday... Was dared to get myself wet in the sea... Had cold water splashed at me... And was forced kiss by a guy -.-...... But nevertheless thanks guys for cheering me up.... Enjoyed my day yesterday ..... Did absolutely nothing today.... Rotting my life away in the land of Lineage 2.... Letting the hive mind corrode my brain.... Becoming part of the Kharaa..... Too poetic ??? Nah its crappy english.... Yea thats what i have been doing the whole day.... Now Im feeling damn trashy... Spurting out any thing that comes to my mind.... Real mad man on the lose.... Just wanting to know how people feel about my looks and personality however no one gives me a serious answer... Guess thats the sadness of life.... Wish you were here by me now... *LoVe yA*

Disappointment.... Real disappointing

2004-12-13T07:55:00.000-08:00

Guess I am in a really down mood now.... Kinda having a mind full of pessimistic thoughts.... Totally shattered.... Devastated.... the whole day is filled with disappointments !!!! I guess only the movie I watched today wasn't disappointing .... Quite a nice show ..... Haizz before the movie she called me to tell me she aint going.... Real disppointment ..... I was hiding my sadness today ... Hope those friends did not notice.... Went home to face another disappointment.... I played hard today but the same outcome came out.... Worst actually....... Losing the battle..... Totally lost it all.... A result of 3-1 wasnt wad I was hoping for... Real gone... I guess I need more time to get back up on my feet... To play scrims like I played before with my team.... This messages are out to those people who were part and parcel of my life today
To p2o (Team 1) : Give me time I'll get back up on my feet and play alongside you all again
To Xcess : You guys played well... Keep it up
To that someone special : Hope you aint avoiding me

Finally a facelift

2004-12-10T05:39:00.000-08:00

My blog finally has a facelift... The Harry Potter characters are so nice... I kinda like this template. Spend lots of time changing it and its still not completed GrRrR ANGRY MAN !!!!!!!! Totally did nothing today to be frank... Been waiting everyday for people to ask me out.... But no ! Guess all of my friends are busy getting a job .... Waiting for her to be online but never ....... She neva came online..... Cant chat with her like that... Although most of you would say SMS or call but I just cant bring myself to talk to her... Its like I will call and say errr errr errr err hi.... Thats all I can bring myself to say..... Wanting to ask her out for the BBQ but dont know how i should start asking ? Haizz and my NS is deproving real fast... Need to get back up.. As usual missing her -.-.....

Ups and Downs

2004-11-28T18:44:00.000-08:00

Back I am blogging early in the morning.. 10.45 to me is early so yah =) ... Felt real depressed yersterday night.. Was almost on the verge of breaking down completely... Luckily there where people who consoled me... Thanks guys for the help yesterday night... Thanks for being there when I was at my lowest... My hate club is getting bigger I guess ? People in IRC are starting to hate me I guess =x.... My life is getting crappier and crappier... Im seriously mad today... Waking up at 9 when I usually sleep till 12 or 1 maybe even 2 =x IM LOSING SLEEP OMG !!!!!!!! My appetite is also starting to fall.... Im losing my sanity i guess.. Overdepression is like that.... Thinking of whether to call or message her later to ask her out on the 7th of Dec... Really afraid of being rejected... I guess I should just ask her or I may regret it for life.. Being afraid to lose her thats whats making me so afraid to talk to her... FAILURE OF REJECTION.... Guess its my nature to like someone in secret and not let her know it.... Missing you as usual... Signing off Bye...............

Its been a long time ....

2004-11-11T07:55:00.000-08:00

Im back ! Although the O's ain't over yet.... Its Deepavali today... Kinda have no mood to study for geog.... Mnay things happen in between... Met a lot of new friends..... Haizz... Meeting lots of them but not being able to meet her is kind of like a torture... ZzZz missing her all the more... Seeing people going out as a couple is real saddening too me... I'll like to thank all those people who have made me feel miserable when going out with them.... O's arent that bad after all... Difficulty of the papers not really difficult.... Easier than school standard... Maths was kinda easy... Too easy i think O.o ... something must be wrong.... English was just straight forward answering the questions... The rest was all right... As for the person fat... Thanks for creating life in my tag board thank you very much.... Missing ya all the more

Sobz sobz

2004-10-09T07:38:00.000-07:00

Harloe there... This would be the last time im posting... I shall not post till the end of O levels.... Thats about 7 weeks time =x... Miss my clan ... p2o rawks on.... Hope u all do well during our MIA... do not pull it down =x Went out for an outing yesterday with a few NSers.. Had steamboat with them.... Later talk a lot of cock and continue eating ... Had a fun time with them... May we stay friends forever.... Later we planned our last scrim before MIA... p2o played well .... Nice teamwork in the 1st round... 2nd round we lost.... Nicest was the last round.... We had a lot of determination to push a losing game to a win =x Thats cool.... Today went to kallang to study again... Later we ate and went to Big O to have a game of NS.... Totally sucks man... Im playing like crap without headphones.... Haizz im going of le... Nxt time i post will be after the O's ... So till then good bye... Wish me luck.... Missing ya

Prelims disappointment

2004-10-06T07:02:00.000-07:00

Yoz.... Got back most of my prelims result... Kinda disappointed with it... Had only 3 Bs... Rest all D7s and F9s... Moderation maybe can help me a bit bah... 33 points dortx man... Crapiness.... Why do others get A1 like no ones buisness whereas i have to struggle just to get Bs ???? Damn sianxx.... She got like 26 points before moderation.... Good for her ... She going to JC.... This is really a case of " Cuz obviously... Shes outta my reach.... Im wasting my time... She'll never be mine " - part of Obviously by McFly...... Hope she goes CJ after the O's and be with me =x.... I think i have to start planning for a backup plan... Start planning what to do if i fail to get into a JC... Maybe take aeronautical studies LOL.... Its a cool course.... Hmmzz feeling rather down now.... Lousy prelims score.... People asking me to call her so i can chat with her..... But no guts to.... This are all making me feel down... I wish i could talk to her now =x *pouring my heart out*

Its been a long time since I posted

2004-09-30T07:34:00.000-07:00

Hi there its been a long time since i posted... Kinda busy playing games LOL... Wonder hows my blog now O.o Spammed tagboard ... Yah think so .... Hmmz this few days went to kallang to study... On the long bus journey back old memories came back to my mind... Primary school ... Sec 2 life.... First peron I liked so much but in he end did not dare ask... The just kept flashing through my mind... Maybe those are the years where i go hurt the most =x.... Sec 4 live is like rather good now... Respected in school... Yah but still kinda like cant find a real true confidante in school... A person who respects your secrets... A person who treats your secrets as secrets and not as a blackmail tool... A friend who doesnt backstab you in the back.... A friend who in short a real good friend =x .... Living a life filled with illusions.... Friends around are nothing but mere illusionary figures.... They seem to accept me but infact hates me down to the core... Thats how I feel about my life now... Using me as a tool... Maybe im just paranoid... But 1 thing is for sure that she is in my heart forever =)

PHYSIC-cally gone

2004-09-23T08:34:00.000-07:00

Arloez... Here to blog again... Was kinda lazy to blog yesterday cause was playing a scrim =x Ownzed once again by AIRinc. .... ZzZzZ ... Was studying in the afternoon at kallang with Lim and Dez... Mika the horny gay also went... Really horny arhs.. Keep asking questions on sexual reproduction... UBER GAY ..... Haha ... Went home to get invited by Kurenai to play scrim... Very honoured ^^.... But still lost in the end ... Was my fault i think... Now on to today... Ermmz physics was kinda tiring... Lots of things to remember and calculate.... Maybe can pass bah this paper... Went to Toa Payoh after that to eat and buy boosters... Later Dez came over to register for Galaa and to play NS... His NS no comments ... Still equally pro ( except become very much more KP ) Zheng Guang was reported walking behind his gal but was too scared to approach her... Never mind Zheng Guang you have another chance tomorrow.... When will i stop missing you ?

No school so fun !!

2004-09-21T07:12:00.000-07:00

Today is kinda cool... No school sweet... Stayed at home the whole day.... Addicted to NS once again... Couldnt help myself so played quite a few games today =x... Nub ah me .... So lousy in NS liaoz... If 1 week can do this to my touch I wonder what will happen when I go MIA for O's ???? Oh my !!! Went off to tuition later.... Kinda feel out of the picture in tuition cuz all of those people there are from ACS(I) and me ??? MSHS ( lousy school ).... Rained the whole day ... Cold siax... Found out that Ah Zheng dare not approach his girl again =x !!! Oh my =s Ah Zheng do something la... Dont waste my effort... Went home to find out my Galaa account got deactivated and my Utopia kingdom is going to kill me *shudders* Kill la who cares... Dumbasses... I did help lors.... Later went back to emaths again =x Kinda boring day la ... Missing her all the more =x

Last day of hectic exam day

2004-09-20T07:27:00.000-07:00

Yea the title sounds like its the end of exam but NO... Its just that i have 1 paper everyday =x Yay no school tomorrow... No going out.. Study !!!! Already planning for what Im gonna do after prelims.... Yesh convert my TnN to blue green.. Control oh mine control ownz.... Goeg was kind of easy today just did not have time to finish completely..... A maths was a total killer but i think i have a slim chance of passing.... Haizz hope that i will pass it.... No school but got tuition =x Spoilz my day man... Today tuition better can get to see her =x Argh haven been seeing her for like 3 weeks =x Kinda like really starting to miss her.... Haizz why is it like that... Im a hermit crab... Dare to only say it here and not tell her straight... I havent been feeling like that ever since that time (u know the time when i made a paper heart for erm erm =D) Ah Zheng once again is a hummer... Say wanna ask for number but in the end still haven ask... Zheng come on lar... Its damn ez de =x.... Wish you will know my feelings sooner

After rain got sunshine =) ( yu kuo tian qing )

2004-09-18T07:46:00.000-07:00

Finally the battle with my mum ended... Went early in the morning for magic tourney... Exciting man... Absolutley new block... Cool... Tons of legends.... Cool new mechanice splice onto arcane =)... Sad man swapped away my broken deck... 2 Myojin and 1 legendary land gone man =x.... Got a shitty deck in return =x.... Ended my tournament in 1-3 result.... All 3 possible screws happened to me today... Land screw , creature screw, colour screw.... ZzZzZzzZ man.... Opened my prize pack and got a timestop O.o o.O.... Cant i get it earlier !!! DAMN !!! Later rushed of to tuition =x.... Late for 1/2 an hour... Was hungry all the way.... Had a real feast after tuition... Now back to admiring my champion of kamigawa cards ... Tata ~~~ Wish you were there to give me support... I just simply miss you =(

Ruined day

2004-09-17T07:43:00.000-07:00

Forgot to blog this Thursday... Just forgot to.... Getting senile nowadays.... E maths paper on Thursday was rather easy.... Social Studies was a screwed up... Screwed la !!!!! I think my prelims are really screwed... Went out to eat and saw a very nice dog bone keychain.. Wanted it but no money to buy..... Now Friday the screwed day... Went to school in the morning for science practical exams... Got scolded by Miss Goh in the holding up room... Monkey was the mastermind !!!!! Kope bag again = DIE... Went to Ah Zheng house to help him achieve his dream =D Waited 3 hours to see her and ask her her number... In the end Ah Zheng saw her but ran away... Ah Qua.... End up i go ask... Rejected.... Too ugly thats why reject -.- She looks kinda cute... Except dinolooking =x..... Came home just to have a very big quarrel with my mum... Haizzz gives me all kind of crap reasons... She thinks i aint stressed for this prelims... Come on man.. I sacrificed my NS for the prelims and u come tell me this !!! WTF man !!!! Kind of like cheer uped during tuition class.... But flared up again after class... Had another quarrel with her =x..... Just feel like standing at a big open field and shout out all my stress man !!!!!!!! AHhHhhHH !!!!!!!! Haizzz really want to go for tomorrows tournament... Its like for only 1 day and she says no.... Haizzz.... Wonder how to ask her again ??? Wish you were her to comfort me =x

Failure ah failure

2004-09-15T07:24:00.000-07:00

Wootie... No school so shiok.... But spend my time muggingz for tomorrow's social studies paper .... Hope I dont screw up... Come on man let me pass my combine humanities this time !!! ARGH !!!! E maths also tomorrow.... Hope I can pass.... Let me achieve my aim !!! Went to Ah Zheng house again to study... Sigh left a very bad impression of me for his father !!! Went there not only to study but also tried to help him jio his dream gal =X In the end Ah Zheng parents think is I want to jio O.O ...... Dortx man in my heart theres only space for 1 ..... Messaged her quite a lot today LOL.... Tried talking to her using asking about a maths question..... It worked yeah !!! Later study then had fun playin wif my handphone video recorder.... Lim talks uber loud =X Went home later and studied a bit more for social studies =X That's all for today.... Hope u get her number soon Ah Zheng... Tata ~~~ Off to dream bout adelinium =)

2 days in 1 post muahahahaha ......

2004-09-14T08:25:00.000-07:00

Hi there.... Did not have time to post yesterday cause was busy studying for china !!!! I missed monday tuition yesterday !!!! NoOOooOoOOo adelinium !!!!! I miss ya !!!! Ah Zheng at last has a crush... CCHS owned.... Ahahahaha.... Screwed up my english cause of my stupid english composition.... A total of gay 700 words.... Die Oh my !!!!! I have broken my record of not playing NS for 1 day ..... Gay !!!! 1 day onli buay tahan liaoz... Trying to break record of not playing for 3 weeks..... Now for today...... Took my chinese paper today.... Wah slept damn fast today.... The paper owned me... 20 Han zi what you want me to do ??? Die la this prelims..... I better study for my other papers.... Later on went to Ah Zheng house to study and help him in his future.... Say the girl of his dreams... Rather pretty LOL... Wish him luck tomorrow..... Yay tomorrow no school ahahahaha... Tata ~~~ off to play something.... Missing ya Adelinium =D

ZzZzZZzZzz sleepy

2004-09-11T09:44:00.000-07:00

Harloe.... I know its Sunday now but never mind i shall still post for Saturday... Went out in the afternoon to study with Ah Zheng and Augustine.... Haizzz once again man we almost got whack up by an Ah Lian because Ah Zheng talk so loud while she is studying =X ( come to think of it ... I doubt she will whack us as WHERE GOT LIAN STUDY DE ???? ) Later on went off to play LAN ( My ENFO OWNZ JOO !!! ) Play for about an hour then go home liaoz... Later ate sambal stingray for dinner.... Oh my god... yummyz... But got stomach ache after that... Stomach done support spiciness dortxie sianzie... That's the highlights for today tata~~~~ Wishing to confess to you soon =)

Kanna Pang zzZzZZzZ

2004-09-10T08:07:00.000-07:00

Pang pang pang... Thats all you all can say about me ??? Wake up in the morning to find that i am only 2 hours away from tuition O.O... Took the few hours left to chiong RYL !!! Kanaa disconnected like siaoz... Uped i think bout 1 lvl nia gayzorz... Found out some deep dark secret of NS.... Guess its a community full of backstabbings among players =X... Went for maths tuition then came back.. Listen to Ah Zheng complain about Rong Han proness in wc3.... Ownz la Ah Zheng.... Later went home rest for a while then go English tuition !!!! Wrote a rather nice reflective composition.... But i think will fail... wrong format.... Haha now im playin Tower Defense so tata ~~~ Missing ya =D

Sianzie Lianzie

2004-09-09T08:25:00.000-07:00

Boring... Gayring !!!! Totally boring day.... Absolutely nothing to do... Recreated a sorceror in my RYL account... Sorceror pwnz joo man... Totally zai... Wah today dont know why Chelsea msg me on msn LOL... She asked me whether I got gf .... Its like duh ~! of cause not....Im so ugly.... At last got a huge burden of my chest... Told her that i liked her last time and told her my blog address... LOL ... no need to get threaten by Clarence Lim anymore.... Hehe... Later went to study then chiong RYL once again.... Help 1 guy lvl up and got 5 spens in return LOL... 1 day lvl 13 can u beat that LOL.... Today damn happy man... So many things off my back... Guess Im going to RYL again ahahah... Why arent you online today ????

Very normal day

2004-09-08T08:46:00.000-07:00

Harloe.... back to blog again... This few days really nothing much to do other then study and play games... By the way... woke up this morning and first thing in the morning shes online... Yesh !! Finally got to talk to her on msn =) Perhaps i can express myself better online.... Kinda get tongue-tied talking to her in real life.... Haizzz studied in the afternoon and went for tuition after that.... Scary incident while I was waiting for the bus... The was this old man who I think is a bit crazy... He was cursing and swearing to air =o !!!!! He is either mad guy or he is talking to an unseen being =X ( 7th month choy choy ) Went home and played NS ... Not bad la this few days performance... Normally frags and death about the same ... Now gap getting bigger =) Improving I guess =X.... Later went to her blog ( yah finally found her blog ) but wont be linking her as some gay dicks would make trouble for me ( right gaystyle ??? )... She got a rather nice blog though... Hmmmz later went off to study again.... Quarreled with my mum as she keeps asking me to study more .... HARLOE COME ON !!!! I CAME BACK FROM TUITION U KNOW !!!!!!! Haizz guess all mothers are like that.... Hmmmz missing you as usual ... hope u come online more often =)

So many thoughts !!

2004-09-07T08:39:00.000-07:00

The thoughts of everything just keep flashing through my mind... Her, O's, Ns, etc. Everything just keep going through.... Why ?? Maybe its because Im feeling guilty of not studying ??? True... Guess I have the same life as Jeremy ( except w/o the suckup) ... Yea i sure do not have any confidantes.. Yea i do have people who hates me... Yea I guess im just in the dark about all this.... Backstabbers.... Tell-talers.... Yea tons of them.... Wouldnt even my closest friends listen to me ??? The thought of retiring from NS keeps flashing through.... I think i have been spending too much time on this game that I am neglecting tons of things around me eg. Studies, Love life =X..... I just somehow hate everyone in NS now ( except those vets and some of my closest friends in NS ) Hate all of the noobs !!! Hate novix !!!! Haizzz i think i really need her as my driving force.... Should I tell her my blog address ???

1st day of the holidays

2004-09-06T06:23:00.000-07:00

Yawnzz... holidays but doesnt feel like... holidays but doesnt seem like =X Totally boring man.. every morning needa go school !!!! Eeekz.... physics lesson was a failure... So cram the class as there were more students then expected.... Did not learn much from the lessons... Later went home and played NS almost the whole day.... Getting kinda bored of all the games I am playing... Guess this is the signal to get me to start studying.... Needa train on my self discipline.... Get down to my books.... Mug my life out =X Haizzz today tuition failure man.... didnt get to take bus home with her cuz the St. Marg girls were taking bus along with her =X Haizzz decided it liaoz.... After the O's i will start taking actions..... "You have to wait for me" =)

Longest Study Day

2004-09-04T08:41:00.000-07:00

Yawnz man... first thing in the morning went to school for army tank's lesson.... Social studies is fun =) Later on went to Sim Lim with Dez to buy the Muvo Square ( damn it im so tempted to get one ) Later went off to Big O to play ns.... Honoured man today can see benny ( da h4x ) playin.... He is like so zhun lors =X Later met Betrayerz there.... After that went to Kallang to study.... Did quite a lot of work ... Finished a maths paper.... Also spent time using my phone to look at friendster pictures of my friends..... Later helped Dez solve a unsolvable question ( but i just managed to solve it must be I too smart le ) but could not even solve my easy question ( holy paradox man )... Retard... Later went Geylang for food and to look at you know =X Went too late so did not get to see any eekz.... Then its back to home =X Haizzz wonder hows her preparation for O's ....

Last official school day =X

2004-09-03T08:19:00.000-07:00

Sadness... No more commander Goh lesson ... No more catwoman aida lesson.... Missing all the teachers especially my shifu Mr Ragu =) king of slackers.... Miss Chin asked us to write on a piece of paper all the good points of your classmates.... My paper came back with at least 10 words cute on it =X Maybe all just trying to make me happy only la.... Im like so ugly lors =X Haizzz.... Sad case .... Im not cute I am fat and irritating, space occupier and American Idol wannabe ( right POW and Ah Zheng ??? ) Haizzz raked up all the past today !!!! Lucky got draggy and B to console me ... Thanks arh....Guess wad Clarence said about me is correct... Loves to be loved but always loves the ones being loved.... Guess I should start looking for one thats rightfully mine.... Not one being loved..... When will you understand my hints , my actions, my little signals !!! When will you let me spend my spare time wif you !!!! Lurvin Ya

Last physics lesson !!

2004-09-02T05:49:00.000-07:00

Sobz sobz.... A lot of last lessons happenend today ... Good bye teachers !!!! Thanks for all of your effort that u have put in... Sad man last day of physics !!!! No more Miss Goh chinese words lesson =X Haizzz kept thinking of the egg (u all shld noe wad i mean bah ) in English lessons... Why do I still keep thinking about her =X She already has Joel... Guess it takes time as this wound is too deep... It seriously hurt me a lot... Haizzz looked through my friendster to look for girls picture to let Ah Zheng oogle at, I chanced upon egg picture =X Saw her with Joel ..... They look so happy ... guess i cant do anything except wish them best of luck =) Also saw other pics of n4de (secret) She looked okay in other pics other den the 1 on friendster now =) Haizzz guess love isnt all about looks but its the inside character that matters most =) Guess I shall have to get over my old wound and start reaching out for her !!!! Wish you knew how i feel now........

Teacher's day ( also big change in magic )

2004-09-01T07:14:00.000-07:00

Its teacher's day !!!! Didnt go out with friends today .... Guess all of ya are mugging for the prelims =X Went to tuition in the afternoon .... Haiz lifeless without you =X Came back to have a shock of my life =X Friggin skullclamp is banned in extended !!! There goes the hope of reviving Goblin Bidding in entended T_T... Chrome mox is unbanned also... Nice one there.... Hmmmz rather boring day today siax =X Nothing nice happen today... Haizzz due to prelims im gonna miss her for at least 3 weeks =X nOOooOOOOoOoooOo ......... Hope she wont forget me after the O's =D

Teacher's day eve

2004-08-31T08:20:00.000-07:00

Yay !!! Wednesday no school =D TEACHER'S DAY !!! Thank you all teachers for thier dedication to us .... Teacher's day celebration 2004 ownz j00 !!!!! X-dressing pwnz =) Later went off to play badminton.... Sprained my wrist as a result..... Damn pain now..... At night , studied for prelims =X..... Studying is fine ..... BUT I CANT TAKE THE NAGGINGS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My mum says the same thing everyday !!!!!!!! Oh ya according to reliable sources , Joel and Chelsea were spotted together on the MRT .... OMG !!!! ownage !!!! Aiyah just say that i cannot accept the fact that they are together bah !!! Yah sour grapes wadeva !!! Wonder what she does on teacher's day =X Waiting fer ya to come online =)

Yay !!! Monday !!!!

2004-08-30T05:53:00.000-07:00

Today moonday =D happy day !!!! Had a totally fun time in english trying to invent new ways to sing the banana song ( Zheng Guang arhs ) LOL !!!! Later went to toa payoh to buy RYL installation disc with POW (Peesoner of war Tan Jie wei) HAHAHAHAHA !!!!! Now comes tuition =D !!!!! Wootie..... She came at the same time as me =) She said ellos to me (diaox) T_T touched !!!!! Later walk with her to the busstop... Holy !!!! The feeling ownz all...... Did not talk much today as she sat so far away from me in the bus =D !!!!! You totally ownz man =D
Today happy so I shall be posting lyrics here =D

Obviously-McFly
Recently i've been, hopelessly reaching out for this girl, whos outa my world, believe me.

Shes got a boy friend, he drive me round the bend, coz hes 23 hes in the marines, hed kill me! for so many nights now, i find myself thinking about her now....

Coz obviously, shes outa my league, n how can i win she keeps dragging me in, n i know i never will be good enough for her, no no, i never will be good enough for her.

I got to escape now, get on a plane now yeh, off to LA and thats where i'll stay, for 2 years. Put her behind me (i put her behind me) and go to a place where she cant find me,OH.

coz obviously, shes outa my league, im wasting my time cause she'll never be mine and i know i know i never will be good enough for her, no no, i never will be good enough for her.

Shes outa my hands, and i never know where i stand, cause im not (cause im not) good enough for her. good enough for her (enough enough enough for her) good enough for her (good enough for her)

coz obviously, shes outa my league, im waisting my time cause she'll never be mine and i know i never will be good enough for her.

coz obviously, shes outa my league, n how can i win she keeps dragging me in, n i know i never will be good enough for her.

coz obviously, shes outa my league, im wasting my time cause she'll never be mine and i know i know i never will be good enough for her, no no, i never will be good enough for her!

Boring !!

2004-08-28T09:23:00.000-07:00

LOL forgot to post for Friday =X So we will start off from friday..... As usual went for tuition...... Rather interesting tuition today... Had lots of laughter in the class... At nite played NS.... Totally pissed off by a bunch of nubs... I was like WTF ???? Every single mostake they blamed me ( the commander ).... Swear never to command again =X Now on to Saturday.... Rather boring day..... Ask friends go out to study all dont want go =X Haizzz boring... Spend whole day waiting for RYL to download finish.... 6 Hours man.... Hope it works fine..... Thats all for the day .... So long guys byez... Im off to dreamland to dream of her =)

August 26 Thursday

2004-08-26T05:38:00.000-07:00

Ellos.... Did some major changes to my blog this few days.... Changed the cursor and added some things to the column on the left.... Hope some fulfils my wishes in my wish list =).... Today Ive learnt to take things into my stride.... Learnt to accept insults hurled at me..... Hmmmz guess life is like that.... Accept what comes your way.... Learning to play Utopia now .... confusing siax =X Will be making more changes to my blog... Stay tune to find out =D Confessions !!!!! Lurve ya !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pessimistic post no.2

2004-08-25T06:11:00.000-07:00

Yo Im back to nag.... Haizzz day sucks totally.... Im not entitled to a right to dream.... Whatever I say ... Friends take it as a joke..... Cant i even dream of my ambition ???? Im gonna work for it man.... When that day comes you better make sure that the sun rises from the west man !!! Im a total loser .... Not respected by anyone and now I dont have the right to DREAM ALSO !!!!!!!! Whatever I say I want to do is far fetched la ... Too stupid for it la !! WADEVA !!!! DESPISE ME FOR ALL I CARE !!!!! Im gonna prove you wrong !!!!!!! Luckily my heart is not totally empty ... I have you to fill up a part of my heart.... Hope to confess to you but guess it will take forever man =X ("v") Lurrrrrvvvvveeeee Ya ("v")

Life Sucks

2004-08-24T05:59:00.000-07:00

Life just suck man.... This could be the only pessimistic post in my blog man.... Life totally rots and stinks..... Havin friends who do not know how to respect your privacy is part of the rotting and stinking life of mine =X Flashing my friends pictures on the projector and leting others comment is cool huh ??? Not cool to me thou!!!!! Totally suck ..... If you are reading this you should know who you are.... The suckiness of life totally outwieghs the sweetness of life... LIFE THIS IS A MESSAGE FOR YOU !!!!!!!!! YOU SUCK !!!!!!!!!!! So whats wrong wif being fat ? Huh what's wrong ???? People just dont know that by suaning they get pleasure but they are actually inflicting pain into someone else.... I do not know when will I ever be my real self again.... Being real and not acting as if I am happy in school..... I AM ACTUALLY HURT RIGHT INSIDE ME !!!!!! Guess no one understands my feeling anyway...... Joo Gal is my driving force ( lurvex ya ) =S

O Level English oral !!!

2004-08-23T05:52:00.000-07:00

Die Die Die.... Screwed the orals.... Went out of point in the conversation and the stupid invigilator went out of point along with me =X The invigilators also had a face as if I owed them money .... Screw them !!!! Die liaoz la this orals..... Haizz later went to tuition muahahaha monday tuition leis =) Met her ahahahaha very happy... went home with her later .... So nice sitting next to her in the bus ( not purposely de hors ... Its becuz those are the only 2 seats left) .... You are my number 1 man =D

SATURDAY !!!!!!!!!

2004-08-21T07:39:00.000-07:00

Yoz guyz... today is Saturday... Thought could go Bishan with friends but in the end had tuition so could not go =X.... Singapore table tennis sad man.... Lost to noisy korean woman lol ( noticed that everytime she serve got warcry de =D ) Hope Singapore wins tomorrow... Haizzz tuition was dull ( Becuz its without u !!! ) Went for scrim today... Rather disappointing... Got a RC team which wasnt serious =X sad man !!! Haizzz NS is getting crappier and crappier.... Probably cuz of the stupid community which is corrupted by noobs... Dez did the right thing quit =X Probably ill do just that.... Haizzz missing my favourite angel =)

20th of August, Friday

2004-08-20T08:39:00.000-07:00

Yay !!! weekend =) Slacking days again... not really slacking la still needa study for the O's.... Had a fun day todae..... Watched avp after school .... Cool show man.... Predator pwnz joo =P Later on went to tuition .... Very fun tuition lesson ... had lots of fun in there with all the jokes cracked by everyone muahahahaha !!!! Now dling avp game haizzz make me cannot play ns siaz... Play ns den got so many chokes ... Dortx.... B4 leaving I liked to tell her that she is the 8th world wonder =) Missing Ya !!!!

19th of August Thursday

2004-08-19T05:17:00.000-07:00

While typing this I'm watchin sg idol... LOL .... sg idol pwnz man... especially BANANA MAN !!!!!! Nothing to post today siax ... rather dull day nothing interesting happened today...... Haizzz gotta go study soon man shux !!!NS games today were rather nice..... Really happy that I found so many new friends in NS siax eg. fleas, finch, chuckles, lighty, tic and others frm other clans.... Hope to go for more outings with you all.... As for her ,"Missing ya !!!!" =)

18th of August Wednesday

2004-08-18T06:49:00.000-07:00

Yawnz.... Wed= Lame PE lesson.... For the first time I did PE in skool uniform... Was trying all the time to avoid getting caught by DK LOL !!!!!!! Scary mission tho..... Later went on to the primary skool canteen for free period .... Got caught by Audrey Chong sianz !!! After that skool was all normal..... Went to tuition after that... Tuition without you is a torture !!!!!!! Haf a message i wanna tell her ..... Guess I'll jus say it here as I am not so brave to tell her ," I haf already let 2 go as for you I wun let go !!!! I'll hold u for eternity, till the end of time.... Neva will I let go of you" She finally added me to msn =X Missing you just as usual =S

17th Of August Tuesday

2004-08-17T06:01:00.000-07:00

Tuesday Tuesday very boring day ...... Tried keeping myself awake in skool.... But when i had the chance to sleep could not sleep ( weird!!! ) .... The whole situation repeated itself all the way to lunch break... After lunch break it is once again Granny Grace Lesson ..... The lesson was a total waste of time... Later on she sended me out for talking !!! WTF !!!!! Not i talk de leis !!! Sumone else tok to me de !!!!!!!! Never mind, I broke the record of being the 1st one this yr to be sent out by her muahahahaha... At home i finally had the guts to message her =X Hope she feels the same way as I feel =X

Monday 16th of August

2004-08-16T07:19:00.000-07:00

Today is a rather nice day... Did the usual stuffs at skool ( BORING !!! ) . After that came home and prepared to go for tuition. Tuition was okay except that I was afraid that people would love at my new Short and stupid hair =X ( stupid Miss Chin force me to cut) . Later on walked with her to the bus stop ... We chatted happily ( shes so nice =X ) . Continue talking even when we were in the bus... Finally had the courage to ask whether she use MSN =P ( loser siax me ).. Haizzz wished she knew about my feeling towards her . I like to quote part of my favourite song by westlife to describe how I am feel, " If I let you go, I would never know. What my life would be, holding you close to me. Will I ever see, you smiling back at me. How would i know, if i let you go..... "

14th Of August

2004-08-14T09:40:00.000-07:00

Today.... Rather nice day =D.... So long since i had such a nice day.... Went to bishan to do some buisness ... Earned around 10 bux =D.... Buy boosters, and got crap cards again =X Later on went to KFC to study..... Omg relative velocity sux big time .... Spend 1 hr on a question and still cannot solve.... Later went to MRT station to look at cards..... Had a real great time looking at Alpha P9 set *drools*.....( wish i had that ) Later on went home studied again ... ( now 5 mins can solve the question already *real wierd* ) At nite challenged Mikagay to knife ... Lost to him damn it ( 8-10 only =X ) Overall a nice day... I gif it 8/10 (2 points of for hearing my mum nag again ) ... Wonder what she did todae ????

Friday the 13th shudders

2004-08-13T00:06:00.000-07:00

Todaes Friday the 13th =X... Unlucky day siax.... Haizzz today teachers all came in and say he same things over and over again ,"Study now its not too late" Almost all the teachers said the same thing. After school, I went off to buy some booster packs . Indeed its Friday the 13th !!!!!! All my packs came out crap... All cards had values less than 3 dollars =X Really unlucky day. Wonder how shes feeling today ??? =)

O lvl Chinese

2004-08-12T00:47:00.000-07:00

Crap .... Got a C5 for chinese... Thought i would get at least a B =X Guess its back to mugging for chinese... Mum got real pissed with me for getting such results... Just dun understand why she keeps givin me the crap attitude by comparing me wif others !!! Totally sucky day .... Wonder how much she got =X ????

Skoooooooooooooooolllll

2004-08-11T00:23:00.000-07:00

Dortx. First post of my blog. Hope it works out just fine. As usual today, school blah blah lessons PE blah all the crap. Now its kinda tense in skool as the O!!!!!! levels is coming. Haiz as usual , free period, go to the library, karjiao the librarian. Its jus another boring day. Haiz, as usual just can't forget her =X